I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
