woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
