Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
