my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
