So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
