i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
did you just send me my own nude
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize