Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
