im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
