just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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