If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My feet surprised me
Randomize
