i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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