i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
