he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
