She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
