that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
