kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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