There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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