Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
