Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize