it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
