well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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