You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
