btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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