I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
