Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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