Apparently you make a good broom.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
