but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
