when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
