my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
In America we eat man semen.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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