there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
