If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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