Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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