Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
