I have demons in me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
