hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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