She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Will exercising make me less horny?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
