I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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