Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
