Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
