I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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