All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
