I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
