WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
