He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
