Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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