whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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