I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
