he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
