What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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