the condom got lost in my hair
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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