my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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