I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
