Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
