It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
