I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
