these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
even my farts smell like vagina
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
