Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
