hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
