i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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