He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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