So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
