tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
