OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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