I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
